Do you ever catch yourself deciding that you only deserve good things after you achieve some specific outcome first? I'll buy new clothes when I lose weight. I'll start investing when I have my finances in order. I'll start dating once I get my head on straight. What you're doing is putting your worthiness on layaway, waiting for some future version of yourself to earn something you want right now.

If you tell yourself you won't start dating until you're at your goal weight, you're denying yourself the opportunity to have a relationship because you're critical of your body. If you say you'll travel more once you save money, you're postponing joy while life passes you by. If you promise yourself you'll rest once everything is done, you never rest because your to-do list never ends. Then you burn out.

Anytime you combine perfect timing with worthiness, you erode your own self-confidence. And here's what usually happens: even when you finally meet the conditions you set, you just move the goalposts. You say you'll start dating once you lose ten pounds. Then you lose the weight and decide you still don't look good enough. We complain constantly about clients moving the goalposts on candidate requirements, yet we do this exact same thing to ourselves for the things we actually want.

So what do you do about it? First, acknowledge that perfect timing is a form of magical thinking. There is no perfect timing. Perfect timing is just perfectionism in disguise, and perfectionism is an unachievable standard, which means it's no standard at all.

Instead of delaying worthiness, ask yourself: what would change if I believed I was worthy of this today? What would change if I didn't have to lose twenty pounds to start dating? Try giving yourself permission for something small without your normal conditions being met first. Reframe "I'll deserve this when I'm better" as "Right now I'm experimenting with being worthy of good things exactly as I am."

If you're waiting for permission and you notice that pattern, understand this: you don't need to be different to be worthy. You just need to be open to believing that you already are.