Your Shoes Are So Cute

I said this to a random woman while walking into a mall recently. She smiled, looked down at her shoes, and thanked me. It’s not flirting, my wife told me as we walked away, “that was so nice of you, you probably made her day.” She’s seen me ask men where they got their backpacks, compliment strangers’ cars, clothes, and hair for years. It’s a life hack.

Here are the effects. First, it helps me keep a pleasant look on my face. It’s hard to look around at people and think of a compliment for them, without at least a slight smile. Angry face plus height is an intimidating, unwanted combination.

Next, it gives me something to say if conversation with that person happens. Let’s face it, most people we see we don’t converse with. But if you do have a brief 5-second exchange, doesn’t it go so much better when they compliment you?

Boom, you’ve also disarmed them. If they were aggressive, even if it was going to be aimed at you, it is hard for anyone’s brain to shift gears like that. Them: I can’t believe this guy took the last creampuff! I was clearly in line first. Me: I like that jacket, where did you get it?

In fact, we’re on the way to friendship. How we feel about people is often a reflection of how they make us feel about ourselves. When you identify a decision they made and comment on it positively, you’re making them feel good about an action they chose.

(Side note: these aren’t “genetic” compliments. Let’s say someone compliments me for my height. It’s nice, yet my impact on that was… eating. “Nice eyes” takes less work than “nice eye makeup,” which requires taste, patience, and practice.)

Would you be more likely to perceive a person as approachable and friendly if you saw them routinely gassing others up? Every time we survey a class on whether they would pay more to work with people they like, the overwhelming answer is yes.

It’s also the life you want to live in. A world where it is likely you will receive a genuine compliment whenever you’re in public? The only caveat is we have to build that world one compliment at a time.